The holidays can bring moments of joy, comfort, and community. They can also be draining and stressful. Holidays can create pressure related to: Making it magical for your loved ones. Strained finances to make cherished meals and buy presents. Keeping the peace between family members who don’t share the same personal, religious, or political beliefs. Not wanting to let anyone down. Comparing your events and preparations to others’ (in-person and on social media). Following are some strategies that might help you take care of yourself and enjoy the holidays. Practice Moments of Mindfulness Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention in the present moment, on purpose, and non-judgmentally. A helpful way to practice, and thereby give yourself a few moments to recenter, is to engage your five senses. When you are standing in the kitchen, wrapping a gift, or eating a meal, take a moment to, non-judgmentally, notice: 5 things you see 4 things you can touch 3 things you hear 2 things you smell 1 thing you taste In the minute it takes you to notice those things, you have allowed yourself a moment to appreciate what is around you and take a break from your worried thoughts. This practice can also be paired with taking deep breaths. Take Several Slow and Deep Breaths Your body has a limited number of ways to respond to stress (e. g., shortness of breath, heart pounding, dizziness, etc.), and it might try to help you through those symptoms, but really only makes you feel worse. Your body may not be able to tell if your stress is due to having forgotten the gravy or due to a lion chasing you. In such moments, it may be helpful to send the signal to your body that you are safe by intentionally slowing your rate of breathing. There are many types of deep breathing. The following example highlights 4-7-8 breathing: Sit with your feet flat on the floor or lie down in a comfortable position. Fully exhale the last breath you took to be able to breathe in deeply on the next breath. Slowly breathe in through your nose, while counting to 4 in your head. Hold the breath for 7 seconds (or as long as is comfortable for you; it might take several breaths to work up to this). Slowly breathe out through your mouth for 8 seconds. Continue for 19 more breath cycles, breathing in for 4 seconds, holding for 7 seconds, and breathing out for 8. Speak Kindly to Yourself Notice when you have difficulty being kind to yourself or cutting yourself some slack. You likely think things about yourself that you would never say to others, because it’d be too hurtful. You might criticize your abilities, your appearance, or your worth. If it’s too cruel to say to others, what makes it okay to say it to yourself? Reframe your self-criticism by: Noticing the negative shift in your mood. In that moment, asking yourself, “What was I just thinking?” to catch your thought. If you are putting yourself down, then try reframing your thought into a more balanced and fair one by asking yourself, “What would I say to a loved one who had the same critical thought?” For example, say your closest friend told you they ruined everyone’s holiday because they didn’t buy enough potatoes. What would you say to them? I imagine you would likely reassure them that they haven’t ruined everyone’s holiday, how you’d be happy to help, how there is plenty of other delicious food, how someone can go to the store for them if needed, and how much everyone appreciates the effort they are putting into the meal, even if there are fewer potatoes. A more balanced thought might be, “I didn’t do this intentionally; everyone makes mistakes, me included. There will be plenty of delicious food for people to eat.” Be Curious It’s almost impossible for everything to go perfectly during the holidays. You will most likely spend time with people you care about but do not agree with on certain topics. Rather than feel like you are in a perpetual game of tug-of-war with everyone and everything around you, put on your curiosity mindset. When someone cuts you off in the parking lot: Brainstorm all the reasons that could have happened without assuming negative intent from the other person. Were they distracted? Do they really need to pee? Did they just get a phone call about a newly sprung leak in their kitchen sink? When a relative starts telling you all the reasons why your political opinions are wrong: Be curious about their perspective. You may not agree with them, but asking them genuine curiosity questions (not sarcastic gotcha questions) might help you learn more about their thoughts. This can also help you resist feeling like you need to get into your opposite political corner and argue. You might ask everyone to agree to refrain from certain topics during specific gatherings. A helpful strategy from Motivational Interviewing is rolling with resistance. If that person does not want to change their perspective, then shift the conversation and name what you will do in the situation. For example, “I’m hoping we can talk about a different topic now. Has anyone seen the new movie that came out last week?” Set Boundaries You can’t be everything to everyone, and you don’t have unlimited stores of energy. It’s important to say “no” or limit the amount of time you will spend at certain events. You don’t need to make excuses when saying no; just set the limit that feels healthiest for you and share that in a kind and clear manner. For example, “Thank you for inviting us to your party! We won’t be able to make it, but we really appreciate you thinking of us!”; “I think you are doing such an amazing thing. Though I won’t be able to give a monetary donation, I’d love you to help out in another way.”; “I’m not open to talking about this political topic today. I’m going to step away so I don’t disrupt the conversation.” Sometimes, setting a boundary can also look like politely leaving a conversation without explaining why. Apply the strategies in a way that best suits you. Overall, be kind to yourself during this and every holiday season, because you matter too.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-are-enough/202511/self-care-is-an-essential-holiday-ingredient
Self-Care Is an Essential Holiday Ingredient
